i'm finally leaving the us

So, I am here to just write down some thoughts as this week is both my departure to Korea and a new chapter in my life. It's finally here ... Wow.

I just wanted to write down some thoughts here because I don't feel like telling this to anyone in particular, and I wanted it to be accessible to anyone who was interested in reading on their own time.

It's a surreal feeling. I felt like I've been stuck for so long, waiting for so long, that I stopped believing that this whole scholarship concept is actually reality. Just telling everyone for months that I am "waiting to hear back from my scholarship" and then many more months that I am "waiting to go in 2021" is finally over. I am going.

I've been working on scholarship applications for so long, that it also feels weird that this is actually happening at all.

Fulbright is the fourth scholarship to go to Korea that I have compiled an application for; the third scholarship I submitted an application for; the second to receive semi-finalist nomination for; and the first that will not only get me back to Korea, but get me working my first full-time job!

I've been a student this whole time, working part time jobs and trying my best to set myself up for my future. My "future". I don't know - future is a weird concept for me as well, but I don't want to dive too deeply into that just yet ;)

What I am really saying is that this does not feel real.

I've barely cried as the deadline has been nearing. Once is because I had a sudden wave of emotion when I realized "this is the last time I'll see these people." Of course, that's not true. Going to Korea is not like I am dying or like they are all dying. I will be able to talk with them through social media, voice chats and video chats. Plus, they are only a plane ride away.

The hardest time I cried before my trip was saying goodbye to my puppy... And it's really dumb and I hope my family or friends don't take that personally, but I really got emotional saying goodbye to her. Mostly because *she* doesn't know I am saying goodbye. *She* can't understand that my voice is coming from the phone and not from somewhere mysteriously in the house. *She* doesn't know that I will come back in a long, long time. That is why it was so hard.

But off I will go. I am starting a new life - a new normal if you will ;)

i'm finally leaving the us